For years evil libruls have treated corporations as second-class citizens, even claiming they were not real people—which they are! As such, corporations were not permitted to spend their own money to tell the other non-corporate citizens about their plight. All that’s done away with now. Corporations can spend as much as they want in elections and policy issues.

Brave people like Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell have been fighting for these oppressed corporations for years. His dedication to civil rights has been selfless and untiring. Relieved and emotional, he said today the court’s decision is “an important step in the direction of restoring the First Amendment rights of these groups.”

Of course the libruls who have infiltrated the Supreme Court, In-justices Stevens, Ginsburg, Breyer and Sotomayor, engaged in some typical loser whimpering:

[C]orporations have no consciences, no beliefs, no feelings, no thoughts, no desires. Corporations help structure and facilitate the activities of human beings, to be sure, and their “personhood” often serves as a useful legal fiction. But they are not themselves members of “We the People” by whom and for whom our Constitution was established.

Note the typical librul obsession with “feelings.” Honestly, how do these people even face themselves in the mirror? They seem entirely unconcerned with the plight of corporations in this country; how they struggle daily against discrimination and dream of a better life for their subsidiaries. No doubt libruls would like to see corporations lynched and denied seats at lunch-counters.

By the way, our hero Justice Clarence Thomas also issued his own little statement. He agreed with everything the Court said except the part about free speech being public. He feels those exercising free speech should be kept secret so they aren’t murdered by rampaging gangs of The Gays. An Important Point.

So good news today, friends, because a great fear has been lifted from us! Keep watching out for those libruls and their restrictive ideas of who is a person—and those marauding bands of homosexuals—but today we win one! We shall overcome!