About Zombie Priests

Watch out for zombie priests. Not many people think about them, but they are a huge threat. They are out to destroy the Church, America, and also to eat your tasty, tasty brain.

More and more it seems the lives of many are consumed by fear. Now we’ve always had idiotic things like those local news promos: “Upholstered walls: are your children safe?” And yes, there was always someone who then then wrote to their congresswhore about upholstered walls. But today crazy has been enshrined. And fear is crazy’s paramour.

It’s funny. The most common phrase in all of Jewish and Christian Scripture is “Do not be afraid.” And yet it’s often people who claim to be guided by “the Bauble” who are the biggest fearmongers of them all.

OK, let’s listen for a sec to Teresa of Ávila: “I am more afraid of those who fear the devil than I am of the devil himself.” You go, girl. Or, to put a secular slant on it, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” That’s FDR.

A lot of what we’re being told to fear is no more real than, well, zombie priests. So let’s warn people about zombie priests instead. At least it’s entertaining.

And if you actually see a zombie priest anywhere, let us know. We’ll spread the fear around.