Recently those delightful Ultramontanes over at the Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN) took some time to explain to the ignorant masses why God wants us to torture random Muslims. And because Barack Obama doesn’t want to torture The Muslims, being a secret African Muslim himself, God is quite peeved at him. Read on…

Heroic patriot Sen. John McCain is working hard to keep The Gays from taking over the U.S. military. The trouble is, the military seems willing to welcome its new Homosexual Overlords. Our favorite war-loving senator is having trouble finding any military leaders to defend the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which has so far been preserving Western Civilization. Read on…

No doubt you have been appalled at the shameless oppression of corporations in this country. They exist in a state little better than slavery, unable to even express themselves for fear of being thrown into prison. That’s why we must celebrate their liberation today by the Supreme Court. Our long national nightmare is over! Yay, civil rights for all corporations! Read on…